On Sept. 16, 2016, I fractured my left femur just above Elmo, my replacement knee, ripping open my leg and sending shards of bone into the night. Turns out that’s what’s called a “catastrophic injury,” which is just about as dire as it sounds.
I spent the next couple of years in a wheelchair, threatened with hip-high amputation of my left leg, fighting health care bureaucrass, cost-conscious HMOs, and myself. I’d edure eight separate surgeries, lots of time in post-acute care facilities, spend a small fortune on rehab and ADA compliance…all to keep Elmo inside my leg.
Spoiler alert: Elmo won.
I wouldn’t want to do it again (horrors!), but it was a learning experience like no other. I discovered the true state of wheelchair accessibility and the value of persistance, met my best friend in the world (Nathan), and found friends and family I never knew I had (like you).
I’ve chronicled my adventures in RE-mobilization as the “Saving Elmo Stories.” They’re awfully self-indulgent, occasionally icky, and probably not that interesting, but on the off-chance they can help someone else with a catastrophic injury, I’m keeping them live. If you’re not interested; I still love you–check out my glass tutorials, recipes, and other stories.
If you DO, this is a chronological listing. Enjoy, share, and please comment.
Saving Elmo 1: I fight concrete…and lose
I didn't see the stairs. Even when I was falling, frantically trying to catch myself and looking down to [...]
Saving Elmo 2: The Plan
Post-op, 8:30PM Saturday I awoke in the recovery room briefly, like a dolphin surfacing for air. Three brightly chattering lights orbited [...]
Bedpans and reachsticks
"I'm sorry," I said, falling back with a sigh, "I don't quite have the hang of being an invalid yet." [...]
Saving Elmo 4: The Meltdown
You knew there had to be a meltdown, right? Mine came Wednesday morning and by all accounts was a great [...]
Mr. Desmond
"You need to paint a rock this morning," decided Selene, one of my favorite daynurses* at The Fortress. "And I [...]
Death by chicken
It's like a horror movie: You walk into your chicken coop and roosters attack, spurs and beaks shredding your [...]
8 weeks: Patience for the unvirtuous
Happy crashiversary, Elmo! Two months ago, the bottom of my left femur seceded from my leg. If I've learned anything [...]
Cliffhangers, clues, and claying around
Today is jitterday, IOW, my monthly trek down to the orthopedics hospital, where they do all kinds of x-rays and [...]
Elmo, Beorn, and the Ferengi’s ears
If you're wondering what's up with The Leg: We're hanging in there. LOTS of other stuff has happened that'll show [...]
The wheeled view
I saw Marcus* out of the corner of my eye, stopped at the crossroads, obviously waiting for us. Kaitlyn and I [...]
Moonlight at sunrise, with jitters
Awake to my sister practicing the last movement of Beethoven's Piano Sonata No. 14 in C-sharp minor: Moonlight Sonata at sunrise. I [...]
On the bone again…
Oh....the footbone's connected to the anklebone The anklebone's connected to the shinbone The shinbone's connected to the Elmobone Now hear [...]
The Fortress
"Well, hello there!" she beamed, "What are YOU doing back here?" I'm back at The Fortress, the rehab center where [...]
Whippersnapper
"What did you do in life?" he asks cheerfully, interestedly, and I nearly punch his lights out. "The last time [...]
Room 15: Paying it forward
"Does THIS look better to you?!" she raged, pointing to her leg, "It's supposed to be ELEVATED. Does this look [...]
Home-ward bound
I'm going home. Until a couple of weeks ago, I hadn't so much as driven onto my street for more than [...]
Drivin’ Miz Cynthia
Driving is easy. Driving with wheelchair is not. Wheelchairs are wonderful beasts, enabling you to get from Point A to [...]
Driving Miz Cynthia, Part Two
Eric the Wheelchair Guy wears a permanent grin and stands tall. The standing tall part is important, because his clients [...]
No place like it…
Nikki welcomed me home with wild abandon and never settled down for a good photo...but wouldn't get more than a [...]
Saving Elmo: Sometimes the bear eats you
As far as saving Elmo (my knee replacement) is concerned: We didn't. Barring miracles, he becomes a biohazard on July [...]
Filling up on sweetness, with fragility
"Excuse me," I said quietly to the cashier, handing her my receipt, "Would you mind giving this to the next [...]
Wheelchair traveler…
The pic is a storyboard from an upcoming Will Vinton claymation movie, and it seemed particularly apropos considering what I'm [...]
Tripping the light surgical: Saving Elmo II
"I'd propose," said Doc David, "A very different course." Six words. Life-changing words, words that open up a whole new [...]
Femurs, accessibility, and Utah: Saving Elmo II
Cramming four flights, three states, and two surgical consultations into three days would be a challenge for anyone, but moreso [...]
Zeroing in and leveling out
BANG!! The crutch crashed down onto Elmo. Ouch. "I'm so SO sorry!" he gasped, taking my hand, "Oh my god [...]
Test: Can you spot the cripple?
The look he gave me was pure disgust. "Do you expect to put THAT," he spat, pointing to my wheelchair, [...]
The ravell’d sleeve of care…
Life is something to do when you can't get to sleep. --Fran Lebowitz Oh, c'maaaaaaaaaan! So today, I get this [...]
View from the mountain
Ever find yourself on a mountaintop, musing, "Now how the hell did I get up HERE?" That would be me. [...]
So how did you break your leg?
A nanosecond between me and death, but I never paused: I leapt from that window like a deranged chimpanezee, smartcard [...]
Happy Crashiversary, Elmo
One year ago Saturday, my life changed. So I took the day off, to consider how far I've come. It [...]
Inaccessibly accessible: When ADA compliance really isn’t
If you happen to have wheels on your butt* the difference between accessible and Accessible is pretty obvious. I should know; [...]
Chirurgia interruptus
I was having surgery--the first of at least two operations--on The Leg this morning. Note the past tense: I WAS [...]
I think I’m in love…with my bathroom
Some people dream of finding the right lover. I dream of finding the right bathroom. So when, after spending months [...]
Surgery musings and kudos to Marriott
It's the evening before my first surgery (I hope, anyway--after the false start of a couple of weeks ago I've [...]
Mischief managed
Long time no write. Sorry about that. 😉 When last we left our intrepid surgical guinea pig, Cynthia-the-pincushion, she was [...]
Mantis lessons
A small chitinous lady landed on my little balcony this morning, a 4-inch long preying mantis, wearily looking for somewhere [...]
Life in the slow lane
I waft into the ship's dining salon on the arm of a tuxedoed escort, pausing at the top of the [...]
Pelican Lady
Pelican Lady scowls and mumbles, and what she's saying under her breath would make a muleskinner blush. Unhappiness bends her [...]
JitterDay tripping
"Excuse me," I said politely to the tiny, scowling lady walking past, "Would you mind grabbing a package of dental [...]
Joy to the World
Remember how I said my life had a soundtrack? I re-entered The Court this morning to the Christmassy strains of [...]
V-day, legs, eyes, and…the rest of my life
Something I've not seen before: What a busted femur looks like when the bone starts growing back. Uhm...wow. [...]
Recovery Road
Elmo, The Leg, and I are now officially on Recovery Road, located between Bugout Boulevard and Anxious Avenue, a block [...]
Desdemona dreams of oceans
Halloa from the sea. Life is good, waves crash home to the beat of the setting sun, lots to tell. [...]
Learning to fly
Made coffee this morning and got another lesson in gravity: The rich cream slid down into cup's depths, while all [...]
Walking and the well-grounded non-gardener
"Do you have a cane?" Brenda-the-PT asked, and I nodded, "Good. Bring it next time. I want you to graduate [...]
Beachwalking and the denizens of the deep
My very first in-person tidepool since falling. It was glorious. Here's what they don't tell you about recovery [...]
Jury booty
A month ago, traversing this sandy path down to the river would have been unthinkable. Yet here I am. [...]
Getting rid of granny(walker)
"Excuse me," says the little girl, shyly, fingering the rails of my grannywalker, "Are you really old? My great-grandma has [...]
End goals and impossible things
We saved Elmo. Now to do some impossible things. (such as say "thank you") Alice laughed. “There’s no [...]
Saturdays past and ‘shrooms
"Mmmmm," sighed The Resident Carpenter-Blacksmith in happy satisfaction, "That's the sound of mushrooms growing." The blessed rain was [...]