humor

18 01, 2016

Overcookied

2020-05-05T12:57:27-07:00

You're sick again?" she asked in disbelief. "Yes, but this time for real," I said. Oops. I knew I shouldn't have answered the door... It's the Girl Scouts, back with those dad-dratted cookies. And now, in about five weeks, I get to figure out what to do with NINE BLOODY BOXES of oversugared snackfood. OK, confession time: Sometimes, on the [...]

Overcookied2020-05-05T12:57:27-07:00
30 11, 2015

generation gap

2020-05-05T13:11:00-07:00

"Grammy and I went to the holiday show at the fairgrounds last weekend," says the mostly naked woman slithering her pert undercarriage into bikini briefs not six inches from my nose. "She was telling me all about the Christmasses they used to have when she was a little girl. It was really different back then because their parents didn't have [...]

generation gap2020-05-05T13:11:00-07:00
9 11, 2015

Con panna

2020-05-05T13:10:07-07:00

Mini-adventure Mondays: Sometimes you win, sometimes...not. Early this morning I decide to try the new hipster roasteria (espresso bar, for the rest of us) for today's educational adventure. The plan: Order the first drink I know absolutely nothing about, drink it, and thereby learn something new. Given my (for a glasslander) abysmal ignorance about matters caffeinated, I figure this won't [...]

Con panna2020-05-05T13:10:07-07:00
30 10, 2015

Trick, or perhaps treat, please?

2020-05-05T13:08:56-07:00

"Gaak!" I said, squinting at fumaric acid and magnesium phosphate and tricalcium phosphate, "The scariest things about Halloween are the nutritional labels on the candy bags. Have you read these things?" "Oh, I love them," said my neighbor Kim, "Every time I'm tempted to break my diet I just pick up a Cheetos bag and read the label. Works every time." We were [...]

Trick, or perhaps treat, please?2020-05-05T13:08:56-07:00
7 10, 2015

Mobility, workout tights, and this thing called normal

2017-10-07T18:08:23-07:00

If this summer has taught me anything, it's that normal takes a helluva lot more time. It's been almost three months since Elmo-the-total-knee-replacement and I announced our joint partnership (heh-heh). While I can't say I'm as good as new, I'm at least 200 percent better than before surgery. "More like 2,000 percent," snorts a co-worker, "I used to wonder if you'd [...]

Mobility, workout tights, and this thing called normal2017-10-07T18:08:23-07:00
12 07, 2015

Severance package

2015-10-31T23:52:11-07:00

Dear The Knee (“TK”); It is with great regret that we inform you that your position as Left Knee for Cynthia Morgan, Human Organism has been made redundant. Beginning Monday, July 13, 2015, all left knee functionality will be managed by a Zimmer Biomet NextGen machine and so your services will no longer be required. […]

Severance package2015-10-31T23:52:11-07:00
20 06, 2015

Drive-by birding

2017-11-15T19:12:37-08:00

"Do anything exciting tonight?" asked my friend Clarissa. ...except that Clarissa isn't really her name. "You writing about this the way you did LAST time?" she asked. I said, well, maybe... "Then don't you DARE use my name. Last time ******** couldn't stop laughing. He said ********** and I didn't know about ********** and that maybe I should ************." (Portions redacted to protect her identity) "I [...]

Drive-by birding2017-11-15T19:12:37-08:00
2 11, 2014

Me and the god of adventure

2020-05-05T13:17:42-07:00

"Your burglar alarm company just called; your house is on fire," Mom said on my mobile phone...just as my flight was boarding. Sigh. It's been a busy week, and it's only Monday. Been doing my usual 72 things at once: Houseful of guests (the incredible glass artist and lovely person Carol Carson, with her equally lovely sister and daughter). My sister's in town from DC, staying with my folks. My plane lands back in Glassland four hours before the party I'm throwing for Carol on Wednesday (y'all come!). I'm getting ready for a sculpture show this weekend. The antmind decided that BigBoy, my ginormous old Dell desktop, was a perfect place to raise the kids. You know, I think there's a god of adventure sitting in an office somewhere, and everytime he gets bored he types my name, hits the send button...and here we go again.

Me and the god of adventure2020-05-05T13:17:42-07:00
14 10, 2014

Bob bites the big one

2020-05-05T13:22:25-07:00

(And no, I don't mean you, Mr. Heath!) Bob-the-blowdryer died a fiery death on Wednesday. I laid him to rest (in the trash can) and... mourned. Slightly. Maybe I should explain. I name my inanimate (but usually mechanical) objects once they've hung around long enough to exhibit some quirks. That's why I drive Sherry-the-Camry, peer into the Web on Izzita-the-iPad, [...]

Bob bites the big one2020-05-05T13:22:25-07:00
Load More Posts